“How do you do that?” People ask me often. “Do what?” I ask in return. “Make friends!” They almost yell at me. Come along. Let me teach you my ways lol.
First off, don’t rush it! Remember that it takes time to build relationships. While there are some people who I click with immediately, they still might not end up becoming my “friends”. I’m at the point in my life where I choose quality over quantity when it comes to friends.
With that in mind, I have many “acquaintances” and a much smaller group of actual “friends”. With the acquaintances, these might be people that I brunch with, see romantic comedies with, go to festivals with, or even share fun memes with. My friends though…these are people who I might do all of the above with, but these are the people who I share my hopes, dreams, successes, failures, and prayer requests with. In order for me to get to the point where I trust people enough to call them “friends,” we have to go through some stuff together – some real life challenges or experiences – and…typically that takes time for me…even years in some cases…because I want to feel like I can trust you! But that’s a whole ‘nother blog post!
The way that I meet people and start the process of spending time with them to figure out if they will become friends or acquaintances is below…
How I meet potential friends as an adult
- Join a Meetup Group
*Photo by Valiant Made on Unsplash
– Baybeeeee, this is a PRO TIP in my opinion. I have met some of my favorite acquaintances (and some have become dear friends!) from utilizing meetup.com to meet people who have similar interests and tastes as me. From walking groups, language learning groups, movie watching groups, restaurant-trying groups, Christian singles groups…Meetup has groups for nearly everyone! And if you don’t see a group that you like, you can start your own! The reason why I listed this as #1 is because it’s a very easy way to meet new people who will push me to try new things and think differently! All you have to do is pick groups to join, RSVP for events that work for your schedule, and then just show up! The people in the groups are extremely friendly and this can be helpful if you don’t like walking up to people and striking up a conversation. - Attend a workshop
*Photo by LexScope on Unsplash
– I like attending free (keyword: FREE) workshops and seminars at my local library and online. The reason for this is because I get to meet people with similar interests AND learn something new. This helps with professional and personal relationships (to be clear: I try to keep my personal life private and separate from my professional life). I like this method because there tends to be more people at these events and increases your potential to meet people. You have to be very intentional about this at workshops though because many people are fine with attending and leaving and not speaking with anyone. You have to strike up conversations and ask people for their contact information (email address, IG, Twitter handle, or Facebook name is fine. You don’t have to ask for their phone number unless you’re confident in asking for that!). You could also simply ask, “Hey, wanna grab lunch/coffee after this? It would be fun to talk more about what you learned from the program and share ideas!” Keep the tone casual and upbeat…and be prepared for a “no”. Don’t take it personally. They just ain’t the one to become your friend that day! There are other people out there! - Attend a dance class or workout class
*Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash
– I like this one because you get your physical activity in and typically there is always someone in the class who takes the class as seriously, or as casually, as you do! Typically, I strike up regular, quick conversations with people during and after these types of classes. We might not become fabulous friends after this, but I can check in and have a workout buddy to look forward to seeing in the next class! - Get involved at church
*Photo by Josh Eckstein on Unsplash
– Listen, this one is outstanding because you can connect with someone who can pray for you and encourage you in your faith! There are always ways to get involved at church from serving as a volunteer (think ushering, helping with the children’s activities, singing in the choir, etc.) to just chatting with the people who usually sit in the same area of the sanctuary as you! I like just asking people to get together after meeting them at church and inviting people out for brunch after church is so simple to do because everyone is hungry after service! With my current schedule, I can’t do that as easily but I’m bringing that back! - Volunteer
*Photo by Joel Muniz on Unsplash
– Similar to tip #5, this one is great because I can help others and also start chatting with other people (who value giving back and likely have decent morals) while we sort donations, paint the walls of the shelter, set up for a program, or serve a meal. The other volunteers are literally right there, a captive audience, and you can even schedule times to volunteer together again! Or at least ask them when they are going to volunteer again so that you have a volunteer buddy to look forward to seeing!
Be sure to get out of the house, talk to people, and push past any fears of rejection. I also like to be consistent in showing up (in all of the 5 methods above and also at birthday parties, cookouts I’m invited to, and other events) because even if the people I’m meeting are not my new besties, they might introduce me to people who I end up enjoying time with! That’s how I met my some of my current close friends! It also doesn’t hurt to ask, “Who are some people you know with similar interests as me? I’m trying to meet some new people.” Give it time and pray that God will bless you with extraordinary friends.